Waiting On A Cross Road

Waiting on a cross road,
My dreams in a paper bag,
And life.
Waiting for rancidity
Of horrible shape and sickly beauty.
No blindness, no clarity
And every moment as long as a life age.
A hand grips me hard,
And guides me through fields of warmth.
It whispers,
As the blindness begins to dissolve,
"Stay your beating,"
Night returns hand in hand with the cold,
A mask clatters onto the stone floor.
The deformed beauty beholds me,
Keen, piercing eyes
And a half formed smile
Skin painted with mastery
And a malice, once unveiled, unbending.
Lady Death has arrived.

Beyond Dreams

Mistake not our silence for submission
For it is not normal evil
That stops continuity.
There is beauty in chaos
Look at the heavens
And remember it,
For its haunting song echoes
From places beyond time,
And beyond dreams.
The cold down your back
Like a drop, on a winter morning,
Is like pain unremembered.
It is the prelude to infinity.

Its been an amazing weekend. For me, and for the band. It has, infact, been so amazing that the event have not fully settled in, and an odd feeling of elation, mingled with disbelief surrounds the entire band I think.
It all started this friday. Well, no, it actually started way before, with the Kingfisher October Fest. Our band got into the finals there and was invited to play in the main fest in Palace Grounds. It was an ok show, nothing phenomenal. But the result of us getting to play was insanely phenomenal.
We got a call later on. From Kingfisher. They told us that they wanted to interview all the bands that had played in the october fest. This so called "press conference" was to happen at a pub call On Da Roxx, on Brigade Road. So we went there, Expecting nothing.
On reachin there, we found the place half empty. The guys from Inner Sanctum were there. There were also a lot of small flyers advertising the Sepultura concert to happen the next day. So there we were, chilling out and just relaxing. There was free booze and food so everyone was happy.
There were a lot of rumours going around that Sepultura themselves were to make an appearance. We just laughed it all off. Sepultura come to some Bangalore pub? Yeah, right!
Then the press started pouring in. And not just one or two newspapers or journals, but a whole lot of tv people as well. And then we started wondering if so much media was really necessary for the eight or so bands that played in the October Fest. Then some foreign guys walked in. Now we were really wondering what was happening. I happened to see the big alphabet "S" written on the back of one of those guys and it looked vaguely familiar. I just realised what it was and i turned back to the entrance, and in walked Andreas Rudolf Kisser, Paulo Xisto Pinto Jr., Jean Turrer Dolabella, And Derrick Leon Green. In short: Sepultura.
What followed is really hazy. All I can remember are photographs, hand shakes, screaming, autographs, Karthik, our drummer, hugging Mr. Green. It was almost like a dream. And especially for our band, because we are hardcore sepultura fans. We even cover Slave New World by them.

(Ston'd with Derrick Green of Sepultura)

So that night was the start to the most amazing weekend of my life. We left the pub and drove home under a torrential cover of rain. We may have got wet, but we were on fire more than ever for the next days concert.
Saturday morning dawned. It was only then that we realised that we ourselves had two concerts to play that day, after which we would have to head for the sepultura concert which we thought of as the grand finale.
There was some difficulty getting to the venue of the Campus Rock Idols Prelims. Blame the traffic and bad directions. It then turned out that the venue was an old Sanskrit Institution. Weird. The stage was too small but the acoustics were pretty neat in the hall.
We were the fifth band to play. Then we got a call for our other guitarist. He said that he was still in class and would not be able to make it. All of a sudden we were a little nervous. Actually, very nervous. I had not been able to attend practice sessions as i frequently as i would have liked to, owing to the unbearable torment that this year is.
So we get on stage. I would honestly say our show was sub-standard. I hit the wrong buttons on my pedal, altering my guitar tones and making it sound real weird. But what was done was done and we had no time to think of it, because we had to run to our next show. It was a charity show in an all girl school.
So we scooted off to the school. We found Vibhas, the drummer of Spitfire, hanging around there and fighting with the sound engineers. Apparently the school had given a sum of thirty five thousand bucks to the sound guys and they turned up with equipment worth less than eight grand.
The organiser (I have to add at this point that she was HOT) was almost in tears. She was running around trying to get everything organised. A couple of my friends from school showed up and i was hanging with them.
The show started very late, and that was a problem because we had to go for the Sepultura show in another couple of hours. The show, by the way, was, in a single word, phenomenal! The sound was horrible, and the acoustics in the auditorium we played in were disgusting for a metal show, but the crowd more than made up for it.
I mean, an all girls school. What do you expect?
Then we had another problem but that was quickly solved. We didn't have a place to dump all our equipment but a colleague of my father generously offered us his office to keep the instruments.
So we threw all our instruments in the office and shot off for the Sepultura Concert. We thought we were really late but we arrived to find Brahma playing their last song.
We somehow managed to get front row positions. What followed was the most incredible onslaught of aural sensation.

(Sepultura LIVE!)

The concert was a little rough. Rough meaning that some of the guys from the jam room got into a big ol' nasty fight. It ended up with Rajesh knocking out someone with a square punch on the nose and Kiran getting hit thrice on the face, consequentially losing a tooth. He did nothing to retaliate though, the gentleman that he is.
We also then realised that we had got through the Campus Rock Idols Prelims. And that we had to play the finals the next day.
Sunday morning dawned, bleak, cold and sore as hell. No one had the energy to do anything let alone play a concert, after last night's show. We jammed half heartedly and then decided to chill out for sometime before pushing off for the venue.
We got to the venue really early. Karthik picked our slot and it turned out we were playing eighth... we would be the last band on stage.
The competition was tough. The bands on stage had a good reason for being there. We on the other hand were pretty nervous. So finally after all the bands finished playing, we got on stage. While our vocalist was getting his water organised, I grabbed the mic to talk to the crowd.
"How you guys doing? Bangalore, make some noise for yourselves!"
"Aw man, it's been such an amazing weekend for the band. We've had a lot of shows to play these few days. First of all, take a look at yourselves. You guys must be the greatest audience we've ever played for!"
"Also, we got to meet some very special people this weekend. Has anyone heard of Andreas Kisser? Derrek Green?"
(A few people cheered)
(Amazing roar from the crowd)
"Yeah! This first song is a tribute to them! Hope you guys have fun!"
And we were off. We started off with Slave New World, a cover of Sepultura's song. What followed was one of the most amazing performance i think the band has ever played. Everybody got all their parts spot on and the band sounded extremely tight.
We were feeding off each other's energy on stage. So much that Sudhir, our usually quiet guitarist, was screaming his lungs off on stage. It was brilliant.
We got off stage, ecstatic and thrilled. We didn't care if we did not win, for we knew we had played one of our best shows and that is all that mattered to us. Hugs, hand shakes and screams were flying all around as we got on.
Then there was the long wait as the headlining bands finished their sets. Galeej Gurus from bangalore were great, but Sceptre, from mumbai, were a disappointment.
Finally they were done. The judges were called on stage. They gave the usual speech about how great every band was, and what a tough choice it was to make. No one believed that. We all knew for sure Illuminati were going to win, and we actually thought we would be coming in at second place.
Anyway we won third place. Which meant we got a trophy and all but did not get through to the south zone finals. Illuminati, as expected, came in first, with a chennai based band called Nervereck coming in at second. That was a little sad, but we didn't really care that much.

So we headed back home. Sore, tired and amazingly happy and satisfied with these last few days. And even now, as I write this and try to wring out the memories of those few days, it seems to be fading. Maybe the memory of the events will. I know the memory of the feeling never will.

Holy War

* To those who fight for and against terrorism: Both of you have won your battles in your own ways. None of you will win the war.*

Is death a punishment for mankind?
Or just the end of a chapter?
Or is it the beginning of a new era of salvation and repentance?

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death
That brings total obliteration.

When it is gone,
I will look inside me
Where the fear once was,
There will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I swear I will not dishonour my soul with love.
But offer myself numbly,
As a guardian of hate,
As a messenger of pain
As an architect of war.

An Infusion

The wind cries out for me,
A wolf howl so shrill,
Borne on wings of a rabid dream,
To perturb the state of my waking conscious.
Guessing games are played by two,
Staking sunset hues
Of life, and of the oblivion.
A tragedy too soon forgotten
Even as it is awoken everyday
By fair hands, yet so rotted,
Who are we to stay away?
Lesions from real life
Intrude upon the one we have made
Infusing a mild darkness
But overcome by our thoughtless play.

As The Palaces Burn

The fiends have gagged a generation of pacified fools
Bound by our greed a nation enslaved as corporate tools.
Arise! Erase the legacy of their lies
To realize that this in itself is an ascension
Towards the day we revolt.
As the seeds you've cast away take hold
War will be born.
Rejoice, the age of the fall has begun
We'll dance as the palaces burn.
A shot gun blast into the face of deceit
You'll gain your just reward.
We'll not rest until the purge is complete
My redemption lies in your demise.
In such a world as this does one dare to think for himself?
The paradox of power and peace will destroy itself
To know the truth and live in fear of no man.
To realize that this in itself is an ascension
Toward the day we revolt.
As the seeds you've cast away take hold
War will be born.
Rejoice, the age of the fall has begun
We'll dance as the palaces burn.
My redemption lies in your demise.
Rejoice, the age of the fall has begun.
We'll dance as the palaces burn.

An Epitome of Sorrow

Walk alone, living everyday,
Without fear,
Reaping only what you've sown,
Burn the rest and feed it to me.
Close to the road
Cry yourself to sleep,
While scarecrows fill the field you have,
Carrion fowl are summoned
To feast on the rotting remains of digression,
Succumb to a horrid hunger,
Vigilance shall fail.
Dream. If you dare.

Eyes of Chaos

*In memory of those who shall be forgotten too soon*

The silence and slaughtering, forbearance prevails,
The tears, the cries rope you to avenge,
The sorrows, the vain awaiting revenge
The innocent blood has fiercely been shed.

Eyes of chaos
Will burn you

Sea of corpses floods,
As the river blood flows,
Destroy their peace and love,
Bound with the storm of hate.
Redeem their souls from deciet and violence,
And precious shall their blood be in her sight

The Inquisition

Weep not for those whom the veil of tomb,
A life's early mornin has hid from their eyes,
It has been an age of long sorrow of such cruelty
In such a hell begotten world of ours,
Into wat it seems to be is an abyss of hate And injustice,
Though with a crushed and a bleeding heart she takes you,
Numbered every bitter tear,
Heaven's long years of bliss shall pay,
When she makes inquisition for blood,
She forgets not to cry for the humble.

Suicidal Loving

Forget the Memories,
Let them fade away,
From this darkness, its unfogiving ways.
Where will I go?
Consume me for I give in to the pain,
From the depths of my soul
Refuses me again

Again and again,
You fill my mind
Needles and knives,
How long can you go on?
For I cannot ignore you
Over and Over again

On The Violence of Sterilization

a boy leaves a sink,
wet hands leave a trail of ruin.
his act of repetition
annuls palm held ambition,
feelings and future motives.
he cleanses his complications.
a boy leaves a sink,
wet hands leave a trail of ruin.
his act of repetition
annuls palm held ambition,
feelings and future motives.
he cleanses his complications.

a boy sits and prays.
his thoughts flushed null
love betrayed by lore
dreams sterilized into mirrors
identical and void.
his life beats of ease.

he cries in normalcy
his fresh hands and mind
anchoring his one originality.
washing his problems
and personality from himself.
he is realized in self cessation.

Eons of Eternal Decay

As I gaze into the star filled sea
Solitude seems unbearable
No peace in the quite place
Forever short of my grasp

How do you break the torment?
The agony of isolation
Into which i plunge again
Without the gentle ripples

Why did i forsake that bitter place?
That undying torrid land?
The dream i thought i would soon awake from?
The parched land of toil?

In search of an unreal country
One where the falcon follows the falconer
Where water cools your scorching soul
Where you can be who you are

There in lay my greatest folly
On the quest for the unattainable
Leaving the ones i love the most
In that putrid land of decay

Falling Forever

sickened by the feeling within
laughing at my pain
forget the lies
live the reality

eager waiting for a chance to change
in this sinful perversion
i have a crown weak now
lift the curse from me

embrace all distorted thoughts
indoctrinating sins
in this earth the love is lost
as disruption begins

madness is like the soils of the earth
greet your cries falling forever

why can't we hear
the time must come for us to leave

here emotion has withered away
our burnt out love has decayed

obsessed to leave the earth
tragedy has overrun since birth

now our rotting fathers weep
as the great eternal sleep
are born to pass away
cry at all that remains

chosen words fail to sustain
the wisdom of powers heard
in dismal thoughts seemingly absurd
now as hope and glory dies

we'll scream at our demise
are we lost forever more
madness is like the soils of the earth
greet your cries falling forever

Wandering Reflection

When no words are spoken and thoughts are ignored
Your tears go unnoticed, will you say enough?
When prayers are unanswered and your calls are unheard
The pain cuts right through you, have you seen enough?

It all seems so deceitful and the verdict is lies
A black cloud of indecision compromised your life

When judgement has failed you
When your own heart's impaled you
Your wandering mind has destroyed you
Will you ever know when?

When you give everything and the feeling is gone
All the giving is fake, did you fake enough?
When you take everything and you stay too long
When there's nothing left, did you take enough?


I know a world where sky
then arises spontaneously.
Split instant is no time
and it happens all the time
everywhere I go.

Sometimes it's too much
like Heaven crashing down
where thoughts are thunderclouds,
tornados and bolts
that stick emotional shock
like sharp, jagged weapons
into the unconscious
black hole
of mystery.


space flirts with time
delivering a Moment
rising like a pregnant sun
bearing an invitation to choose.

On it's distant planet
near a cave
a beach smiles
as an angry ocean pounds on and on.
A shadow paces
at the water's edge
like a stranded inhabitant.
I think that it is me.

Then suddenly inspired by natural forces
unbeknownst to me
I leap into the river vortex,
metaphorically thoughtless,
reminded I am no one
once again.


The stars are dimmed,
Reduced to ashes,
Renounce all you have,
But tell me nothing

Forgetting the long known road,
Paving ways through confusion's forest,
Don't try to stop and rest,
Say nothing and give nothing up to me

Lit by your inner fire,
Lit by what you lost,
Leave me alone on my road,
While you confront your past

Listen to the sounds of the deaf,
Watch the arts of the blind,
Don't despair at what you get,
Because that's all you'll ever find